Okay. Let me get the point out right here and then: I love, love LOVE Team Fortress 2. I would even go so far as to call it my favorite game ever, except for maybe Bioshock and Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. However, sometimes I can’t help but get annoyed at some things in this game, and most of them are at the people playing. So let’s start out, shall we? (BTW, I actually got the idea for this from another blog, Galactic Emporium: Gaming. Check it out. It’s pretty damn cool.)
Anyways. I’m going to list these by class and say the annoyances of each classes.
1. Engineers
Seriously, guys. You have the ability to make an awesome, solitary turret that rains death and destruction on anything it sees. Why, then, do I see people, on Dustbowl, for example, setting up dispensers right away and WHACKING AWAY AT THEM and waiting for them to completely charge when there’s a couple of demomen or pyros or heavies with these insane smiles coming towards you? You’re free points! It’s like shooting fish in a barrel! RETARDED, BLIND, FIN-LESS FISH.
2. Spies
Okay. First, addressing enemy spies: do you think it’s funny to uncloak in front of a pyro? Especially when you’re disguised? It’s an insult to their intelligence, and I don’t honestly think they’re going to like you very much after, and I’m positive that you’ll hate them even more. Secondly, there’s a reason no one disguises as medics: IT DOESN’T WORK. What do medics do? Heal people. What can you NOT do when you are a disguised medic? “No, guys, I’m real! I just have my syringe gun out just in case, you know, someone comes up the stai-ACK FIRE HELFEN HELFEN”.
Secondly, addressing friendly spies: guys, guys. What are you doing as a spy if you aren’t disguised? The main reason there’s EVEN a spy class is so you can have people get into enemy lines. Running out in front of a sentry uncloaked or undisguised won’t help you, and the engineer will probably be taunting on top of your idiot corpse when you get pumped full of lead. Do yourself a favor and use that awesome disguise kit that the spy was made to have, mmkay? Not only that, but don’t get gung ho; backstabbing an engineer in front of his un-sapped sentry is only going to give him the greater satisfaction of watching your stupid face get blown to smithereens.
3. Gung-Ho Scouts
As Galactic Emporium’s article so appropriately states, “…scouts have been known to drop dead at the sight of turrets.” I really hate people who do this. Don’t you think the opposite team would be smart enough to get a sentry up? Naw, let’s just rush in and capture it! I swear, guys! Let’s gooOOOHHSHI- *You were killed by the sentry of: STOPBEINGASCOUTFAGGOT”
4. Pyro
Your flamethrower goes five feet.
Quit being an idiot. You can’t shoot people from fifty feet away, and all you’re going to be doing is eating a bowl of rocket soup.
5. Heavy
There are teleporters for a reason. You, moving with the incredible speed of a retarded, triple-amputee turtle, are too much of an idiot to realize that, hey, spies and pretty much every other class moves faster than you do!
Keep moving.
Your skull is about the size of a swimming pool.
Snipers love that.
6. Soldiers
There’s one reason and one reason alone I despise this class, and it’s mostly because that I always get hit by critical hits by them. So yes, your rocket launcher is very good. But what do I see? People actually running into the war zone with their shovel, not because they’re out of ammo for both other weapons, but because they think that, “if I can knock someone out with a shovel in real life, I can knock this guy out!”
Guess what.
You also can catch on fire in real life.
You also can get shot in the face in real life.
You also can get blown into tiny bits.
You can’t get shot by a sentry but damn, you can in this game.
7. Medic
There’s a reason why you have a medigun. You weren’t made to be an offensive powerhouse or a defensive hero; you were made to provide support and to heal teammates. Not necessarily saying that medics are bad, because I’ve been killed quite a few times with that blasted medic saw, but your main purpose is to be a healer. You’re in the support category for a reason.
8. Snipers
I see three things a lot that really make me boil:
- Wasting your shot on a scout. You aren’t going to hit him unless he’s running in a STRAIGHT LINE (and even then it’s iffy) or if he’s standing still, which he rarely is. Use it for someone who you know you can kill.
- Trying to no-scope or scope someone standing RIGHT in front of you. It isn’t going to work. This isn’t Halo, go back to your generic FPS’ and leave us cool people alone.
- Sitting on top of the 2fort sniper part when there is obviously no snipers. Go do something useful. Be a scout and get the intel, or a heavy or something to help defend. Either that, or there’s a shiny “Disconnect” button sitting there that simply has your name on it.
9. Demoman
It isn’t smart to detonate your sticky bombs when you’re standing on them. And please, if someone is right next to you (i.e. spy), take out your goddamn bottle. It’s ridiculously strong, and I doubt you’re going to hit the spy with your grenades. You’d probably end up doing more damage to yourself, and he’ll be having a fun time burying that awesome butterfly knife into your skull.
BLAAHHH
YEAH I KNOW I’M COPYING
BUT IT MAKES ME SEEM COOL
I have snarky counterarguments/ anecdotes and additions to most of your points!
I love being an asshole. I did laugh at alot of these though, so good job.
1. Sometimes the engineers are buliding the dispensers to that the demomen don’t notice them. I mean it’s not likely, but at the same time, it’s either try and do something or get blown to bits by a rocket and not have done anything. It’s a lose/lose situation.
2. May I just add, you know when you look at a medic on your team and he hyas his ubercharge status on his tag-thing? Yeah, disguised spies don’t even have that. Plus any sane medic wouldnt be caught dead running around teammates with his syringe gun out. Maybe his bonesaw if he saw another spy, but thats a big maybe. Also, scout you would think is a shitty disguise class because you can’t run any faster than normal/ double jump, right? I would think so too, but you’d be surprised at how many people miss this.
And finally, I somewhat disagree with your constantly being disguised thing, because alot of the time I see that there’s a supposed enemy (read: my teammate, disguised as an enemy) pyro/engineer/whatever that is walking not backwards, not even away from, but WITH my team’s rush. Idiot. Learn to disguise as your own team.
3. You;d be surprised how easy it is, depending on the position, to strafe in and out and shoot the sentry. If its unattended and he’s alone, he can possibly kill it. But most scouts are too stupid to think at ALL, so I can see your beef.
4. Agreed.
5. I laughed, but I read somewhere that if the Heavy doesn’t have his minigun equipped (which happens about as often as I dress up as Naruto and have sex with my cat) then he’s faster than a soldier.
THE MORE YOU KNOW
6. I’ve honestly never seen this happen before. You either play too much or that thing that teams you up with people of your own skill level think’s you’re about as good as a quadriplegic.
7. Medics are the second-fastest class.
THE MORE YOU KNOW
8. I completely agree with the no-scope shot thing. The whole reason they have the charge meter when scoped is because Valve didn’t want the sniper rifle to be as powerful as it is in other games (yes, I’ve gone through the developer commentary. I was bored one day). Although I disagree a bit with the 2fort thing, a good sniper in the decks can pick off a heavy/medic combo before it becomes a problem or a soldier who’s been a bit of trouble. With some skill (oh god forbid a sniper rifle requires skill) it’s pretty easy to pick off the other classes. Also, the machete is the second- (or is it thrid? I think it’s second) strongest melee weapon in the game (Bone Saw is first, and I think the wrench is third.)
9. I love Demoman. If I’m just going to be standing there, repeatedly firing stickies, I put one or two at my feet and turn around often and if I see a spy coming I just blow myself up. That bitch isn’t gonna get a free kill from me, oh no.
But yeah, I agree with alot of stuff there. I don’t like when teams just stock their roster with the shitty classes – scouts, snipers etc – because when I’m on a team with a teleporter and a bunch of hardcore classes (you know, the ones that can do actual damage – demomen, heavys, soldiers, pyros, and a mdeic or two helps). Any sentry gun that can be taken out by a spy can be taken out by a team like this, although when you’ve got a ton of shitty players on your team, spy can get the job done too.
Yeah, yeah. ;D
Well, it’s criticism, and criticism is good. I have to say, though, reading through this after playing a couple more games, I actually disagree with a couple of my own points, because I recently played a game where a medic got fifty plus points on me with the Bonesaw. So, thank you for the feedback; glad to know someone’s out there reading my stuff. :D
EDIT: The only reason I put the soldier class in there is because I didn’t have anything else to put. I suppose I could put that it annoys me when people blow themselves up when I try to kill them myself.
Man, what a great summary of all the n00bish tactics you see in almost every server :(